Marriage is a fantastic and trilling adventure with a lots of ups and down. It is a wonderful journey of life that anyone would be happy to travel in. But in recent times, the rate at which marriages are crashing within the first and second year is quite alarming. Studies have shown that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce within the first five (5) years, which makes one question what really went on during courtship.
Before venturing into marriage, absolute clarity is needed and stated below are 5 things to consider.
1) Long-time Courtship: You should consider having a long time courtship before saying I do, as this would give you more insights about your partner. The way he/she reacts when angry and the words he/she speaks when tensed. How he/she treats families and friends. What aspirations he/she has towards the future etc.
2) Ask yourself repeatedly “am I ready?”: Marriage involves two people from different family background, with different home training, habits and beliefs coming together to live as one. Marriage will bring out a part of you, you never knew existed. A friend of mine once told me she found out her husband forgets to flush every time he uses the toilet, and it took sometime for them to balance it. She had to remind him to flush every time he went to the toilet. So when I say ask the question “am I ready?”, ask yourself if you are truly ready to adapt to your partner’s habits. Are you ready to compromise when things don’t go your way.
3) Your partner’s relationship with God: You need to know the level of intimacy between your partner and God. Statistically, an unbeliever cannot marry an unbeliever, a prayerless person cannot marry a prayerless person. If these happen, I tell you such marriage is bound to fail, as the foundation of their home is not built on God’s strength. One has too be stronger than the other spiritually so as to encourage the other to become better. Marriage is all about challenging each other to be the better version of yourself. So when you know, you are not much of a believer, you need to consider going for someone stronger than you spiritually.
4) Compatibility: You need to consider how compatible you are with your partner, physically, morally, spiritually and financially. Do you have similar hobbies, what do you both enjoy for fun?. Do you have similar goals for the future, does your partner match your educational qualifications and if they don’t, can you live with it, without seeing it as a red flag?. The type of friends you both keep, can your circle of friends stay together in the same place without complications? etc. Can you be around each other for hours without getting bored?. How compatible are you in the other room, can you match your partner’s energy when the time comes?.
5) Communication skills and Love Language: Communication is key in relationships. The ability to communicate with your spouse or partner can avert trouble. Talk to each other, even the difficult issues. Discuss any conditions or situations that might cause trouble in the future. Let there be no secret between both parties. If you are upset, let your partner know, they can’t read your mind. Also you need to know your partner’s love language whatever it may be. How does your partner react to words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service or physical touch? You should be able to decipher which one your partner loves and put it into practice.
I want to believe that this few guidelines will help you in making good decisions before saying ‘I do’. And for those that are married, I believe this can help you in fixing your home and teaching the future generations how to enjoy a blissful and loving marriage.
Written By Omoboriowo Imoleayo
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